I have had a few deep, ah-ha moment, epiphanies during my years as an adoptive mom.

They are those rare moments when I read or hear another person put words around the thoughts and feelings of my heart. It happens when someone older and wiser, gives language to what I could not find words for on my own, but my heart knew was true. Those moments are so validating and I praise God for them.

Epiphany 1:

One such moment was several years ago, when I read “The Connected Child” by Dr. Karyn Purvis. I cried the whole way through. It was like reading the book I had prayed and searched for.  When we adopted our first kiddo 11 years ago there was no such book in print. I know b/c I searched the world over.  I literally burned the traditional parenting books that seemed to promise the “A+B always produces C”. Those books focused heavily on behavior modification and strong structure and discipline.  Thankfully, I found some peace and grace tucked away in few other parenting books, but they still did not fully touch what was happening in the heart of my kids.  My kids needed high nurture and high structure.  I made a decision I was going to stop reading books and start listening.  Listening to the voice of my father, who knew my kids and loved them more than I could ever imagine.  This began my journey of learning to listen to HIS voice and leading (oh how thankful I am).

Then by a strong recommendation of my close friend, Erin Kim, who knows me well, I agreed to read it.  I will spare you, in this post, all the reason’s why it stood out from the others, but it touched on areas of my kids, my own heart, and what I believe to be God’s heart for my kids that no other book had.  I appreciated the freedom within the principles she lays out. It is not a set of parenting rules. It is about understanding the heart of our child, how their past affects them, and then working with them to reach healing and connection. AHHHHH……. FREEDOM!!!! No formulas!!!! It was my heart and thoughts on paper, bound, printed and written by someone else…much smarter and more eloquent than myself I might add=).

Epiphany 2:

It happened for me again, at the Created For Care Adoptive Momma’s retreat a few weeks ago.  It was during a break out session titled “Parenting in Wisdom and Revelation” with Dr. Susan Hillis.  I loved it!

She talked about how parenting is like a bridge. “Wisdom” gets you half way across the bridge then you need “revelation” to go the rest of the way. YES!!!! That is it!!!!  For me “The Connected Child” was the wisdom piece.  Even Dr. Purvis talked about how we need to be “attune” to what your kids need…as I believer that is the “revelation” part.

Wisdom is what most of us parents spend our time on. And it is a GOOD thing. We read books, we learn about our kids love languages, we try to understand how to give our kids grace, we read scripture about parenting, we read books about how to disciple our kids, we fret over how to discipline them, but most of us long for A+B to always =C. But it doesn’t.

Sadly, what parents often leave out is the “revelation” piece. But it is the absolute KEY!!! I see it as the difference between parenting “in the flesh” and parenting “in the spirit”.

We need to pray and seek the Lord on what HE would have for our kids. We need to pray for His eyes to see what is going on in their heart. We need to listen to His voice and leading on what our kids need. He knows. He can show us.

One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 33:3 – “Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.” THANK YOU LORD for that promise!!!

Dr. Hillis gave an example of her daughter and her close friend, Beth Templeton’s son showing similar outward temper tantrum type behaviors.  Both moms prayed about how to handle the situation.  When they prayed they felt the Lord tell them to take two totally different approaches with their kids.  One was to love on and treat the teen like a two year old and the other was to call the teen up to being a man.  God knew what was going on in the heart of the children.  Both kids responded to their moms as they parented them as they Lord led.  NO FORUMLA!  Two wise, Godly, educated mom’s listening to the Lord’s leading.

In my own parenting journey I did not see real healing and spiritual growth in my kids until I did both.

Wisdom came when I educated myself on what my kids had been through, how that affected them, and what I could do as a momma to help them heal, connect and attach.

Then I began to trust the “revelation” or “listening” piece. I could gain all the wisdom the world had to offer, even biblical wisdom grounded in truth, but God has given me four unique children. They are not math problems. Formulas do not work. But the God of the universe who created them and knows the deepest needs of their heart, can by the power of the Holy Spirit give me “revelation”.

Prayerful parenting in educated wisdom and spirit led revelation that’s what I vote for.

Blessings until next time,

Tona

Disclaimer – I do not employ an editor so please forgive typos, grammar errors, misspellings etc. I am a fast typer and often write while my kids are staring me down and waiting for my help.  So proofing my blog will have to come some other far off day, unless of course you would like to take the job for free =).

On this side of eternity, in our world, in my city, race matters. Color matters. It matters very much.

We are left with a choice. We can choose to celebrate it. We can choose to embrace the culture that God places people in for His Glory. He sees color. He created it.

Just ask my precious Asian babies if they see the color of people’s skin. They do. They notice every Asian person we see. Just ask the sweet African American teenager who lives with us during the week if he sees color. He does. He knows he is living with a house full of Caucasians and Asians. He knows he has to educate us on his culture and different needs. He sees. But we as white people, we are the ones saying we don’t see.

I think it is time we look them deeply in the eyes and say WE SEE.

WE SEE YOU. WE CELEBRATE YOU. WE VALUE YOU. WE THINK YOU ARE WONDERFULLY MADE BY A CREATIVE AND LOVING HEAVENLY FATHER THAT COLORED THE WORLD WITH HIS CREATIVE HAND. HE SEES. HE KNOWS THAT WE LIVE IN A FALLEN WORLD WHERE PEOPLE WILL AT TIMES JUDGE YOU BASED ON THE COLOR OF YOUR SKIN. BUT HERE IN THIS FAMILY AND COMMUNITY WE WILL CELEBRATE YOU. YOU AS GOD MADE YOU. YOU IN THE CULTURE AND COMMUNITY THAT HE CREATED YOU IN. HE SEES. WE SEE.

A few resources worth your time:

- Our pastor Bryan Lorrits was asked to speak at Together For Adoption in 2011. If you have adopted transracially or are planning on it….please listen.

Go to this link:

http://www.togetherforadoption.org/?page_id=3724

and choose the title “The Church as the Theater of Transracial Adoption (Bryan Loritts)

- A blog post by a friend who adopted from Ethiopia and serves at a very diverse church in California.

http://planaethiopia.blogspot.com/2012/01/color-matters.html

Blessings,

Tona

Disclaimer – I do not employ an editor so please forgive typos, grammar errors, misspellings etc. I am a fast typer and often write while my kids are staring me down and waiting for my help.  So proofing my blog will have to come some other far off day, unless of course you would like to take the job for free =).

This morning has been beyond crazy. I thought a moment ago if only I had a minute of peace and quiet I could pull it together.  I could take a deep breath. I am not even asking for 10 breaths. One would be fine, please. Just one.

Then the Lord in his grace reminded me he did not come and promise quiet, but he did come and promise peace.  It seems they are two very different things.

Good ole Webster defines peace this way –

Peace- “1. a state of tranquility or quiet; as a freedom from civil disturbance;”

UMMMM am I missing something? As a mother of 4 kids, who also happens to home school them, by this definition, peace is far far out of my reach. IT IS NEVER EVER quiet up in the Ottinger house.  Well maybe it is from the hours of 11pm until 6:30am a few nights of the week.  And as much as I wish I could put on a face and tell you we are “free from civil disturbance”; well that would leave me a liar.  Civil disturbances often happen before my 1^st cup of morning coffee. So how am I to find that peace that Christ speaks of? Because definition number one is ridiculous.

How about definition 2?

Peace –“ 2. Freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions” Now this sounds a bit more like it. I know this feeling. I can experience this. Jesus can as He promises calm our anxious hearts and minds. We can find inner peace in Him when we rest in His presence and promises.  This definition seems to stand apart from my exterior circumstances and speaks more to my heart and mind.

Scripture says:

Romans 8:6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

Colossians 3:15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

From my vantage point life is often crazy and chaos. If we are constantly striving for quiet that we hope will lead to peace, we are striving for the wrong things. Yes we are to take time away, as Jesus showed us by his example. We need times of silent prayer and reflection. We need moments of alone time. We need quiet.  But if we look at Christ, he spent much of his time surrounded by people in deep need.  He spent lots of time in crowds. He walked his days with his disciples. He walked among them offering them His peace, but he also called them to take up their cross and follow Him. Based on biblical history I don’t think anyone of those people lived a quiet life.

The other day a sweet friend, meaning well, said something about my house being a place someone could experience peace. I laughed inside. If only she really new. It is SO crazy and loud in my house. I have a child who is deaf in one ear so everything is turned up. I have another with constant ear infections making it hard to hear normal volumes and therefore speaks 20 decibels higher than needed. I have two kids with sensory integration disorder…..without explaining it…..lets just say that equals constant crazy.  I have meltdowns daily….maybe hourly. We have computers going, a dishwasher and washing machine that would like to take a long vacation, a dog, phones that ring all the time, an often revolving front door, 4 kids ranging from 7yrs-11 yrs old, a teenager that lives with us during the week, a baby that stays with us on the weekends, weekly therapies, doctors appointments,  ministry events, homework, and on and on and on.  All of that combined equals chaos at best.

Her saying that, has left me thinking.  If by peace she means “quiet”, then I have nothing to offer, unless said person plans on joining me to the shower or crawling in bed with me for a few minutes before one of the kids joins us…both of which I think my hubby, Mark would have a huge problem with.

On the other hand, if by peace she means a place to feel the love of Christ, the hope of the Gospel, unconditional forgiveness, joy from our Father, and see our authentic need for Jesus (because we mess up constantly!!!) all the while experiencing the “noise of our life and home”……then I pray she is right.

I long to have the peace that surpasses all understanding and guards my heart in Christ Jesus, while enjoying the noise of my life.

Blessings,

Tona

Disclaimer – I do not employ an editor so please forgive typos, grammar errors, misspellings etc. I am a fast typer and often write while my kids are staring me down and waiting for my help.  So proofing my blog will have to come some other far off day, unless of course you would like to take the job for free =).

I am so thankful for the work of those who have walked the road of fighting for justice before us. I am thankful that men like Martin Luther King Jr. walked the road ahead of us so that I could live the life that I live in Memphis TN.

Here is the sermon from our church Sunday. What an honor to be a part of a Gospel centered multi ethnic church in Memphis TN….but we must sit down at the dinner table together. We must not stay silent on the hard things. We must start the conversation and talk about it.

You will blessed and challenged if you pop open this link….I promise……

http://www.fellowshipmemphis.org/media/saving-the-saved-crossing-summer/

A few thoughts from the sermon:

Many of us our still living “Jim Crow” lives. We are doing it by apathy. Our hearts are off. Racism is an attitude that touches our core. We are hard wired to be suspicious of one another. We must face the demon of racism intentionally.

We MUST live authentic relationship with people who do not look like us.  There is NO WAY to be a racist and walk life along side those who look different. The GOSPEL demands it. The GOSPEL is at it’s core diverse. It calls us to ALL NATIONS. It calls us to THE WHOLE WORLD.

We must be intentional. We must step out. We must cross the tracks.

At the core racism is not really racism it is at the core a failure to align with the Gospel.

We have to be willing to get uncomfortable.

Our culture still demands that a black person learns how to relate to a white person in order to be successful. It does not demand that a white person learn to relate  to a black person. The white person can stay in their own bubbles and be just fine.

I am thankful for Bryan sharing authentically some of his own thoughts against white people.

By God’s grace……I am ready for a new normal for my kids!

Until next time….

tona

I have a dream………where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers. MLK

Mia, Mallie and our dear precious friend Jasmine

I get this question a lot. My hubby and I have even spoken at orphan conferences about this topic, yet most often I don’t have a great, formulated response. (I don’t even like the phrase ‘special needs’ but it is the language of today used to describe some of my kids….so the debate about it’s implications..I will save that for another post)

Why don’t I have a fast formulated response? HMMMM….because this is just my life. I don’t sit around much and ask myself what doing my life is like; by God’s grace I just live it. I take each morning and attempt to be present in the moment…loving, laughing, crying, dreaming, hoping, despairing, feeling, doing, being….just right there in that moment…being as presently connected and intentional as possible.  Sure, like all parents I lay down and night and let the reel of mistakes flood my mind and find myself begging God to help me the next day. Yes, I talk with my husband about the kids.  We celebrate their accomplishments and victories, we evaluate their behavior…I.E. try to figure out what the heck is going on up in their brain that might have motivated today’s meltdowns.

I spend most of my days staring at “the tree” right in front of me and I don’t step way out of “the forest” daily and ask myself what it is like. Maybe I should? Maybe I shouldn’t? Maybe if I did, I would not have enough courage and strength to go back into the woods? Maybe it is best to be in the moment God has me in and step into the next with blind faith, not always over analyzing where I am going?  Be present, intentional, gospel filled and just live?  I think something switched in me during those long years of parenting Dax when he was so chronically and critically ill. When I really could not, as much as I wanted to, know what the next day held. I think God showed me what it was like to lay down my control….OK really have control pulled out of my clinched-white-knuckled-fists.  It was actually very nice.  My “over- doing- Martha -self” saw for a moment the peace of being a “sitting-being-listening- Mary”.  But wouldn’t you know it…I being totally me…daily attempt to pick control back up.  It is like my drug.  Control.  I so deeply want it.  When I clamor for it, it steals my present moment living away. I think it is best for me to live focused and attune on the tree that God has placed directly in front of me. He knows the whole woods. He knows were I am going.

OK…sorry for the rabbit trail through the woods….back to my reason for blogging this morning.

I have a thought (I know crazy right??) about what it is like parenting my kiddos.  It is often hard. There I said it.  It is.  Please don’t hear me complaining.  I am not.  But I want to be authentic and real.  Parenting any kiddo is hard work. It just is.

I am missing church this morning yet again.  I can count the number of times I have gone to church this fall/winter on one hand.  Dax woke up this morning with, shall I say….not exactly correctly functioning intestines.  The first episode, I tried to ignore (don’t judge me, we all do it) with the hopes that it was a fluke.  The second episode, well that is just leftovers form the first time.  Right??  The third time, well crap (literally) I had to be honest.  Something was going on.  So back to my closet I marched to take off my church clothes and back into my comfies (hmmm…maybe it is not that hard=)!).

I am not sure what is happening with Dax this morning. So, I will spend my day watching and wondering. Is it because we changed 2 of his regular medicines last week? Did he eat something yesterday? Is this a normal kid stomach bug? Is something going on with his liver this morning? What exact color was his poop? How much was it? Has he had enough to drink? Are his eyes turning yellow, indicating a liver issue?  And the questioning will go on until I have a strong gut feeling and either take him to the doctor for blood work, or the Lord gives me peace to just keep watching.  Most of those questions all parents would ask. Right? Maybe I have a few additional questions stuck in there. But we all watch and wonder.

What is my point?  The journey of mommy-ing my kiddos is really much like yours. I am just a momma who has the privilege of parenting the little ones that God has put into my care on this side of eternity.  Parenting my kids is just like parenting your kids. My kids are…well just like yours; they are wonderfully and fearfully made. Perfect in the eyes of the Father who created them and dreamed them up before the foundation of the world.  Each child is different. Each mother must parent that child uniquely as God created them.  Millions of mothers around the world miss church because of unexplainable poop. It is just part of the role of mommy. We are all inconvenienced by illness and tummy bugs. We all have plans that have to be rearranged when one of our little ones get sick. We all miss parties and girls nights out. We all have to prioritize during these young years. We all worry about our kids futures, who they will marry.  If they will marry. Do they have enough friends? Do they have the right friends? Do they eat the right food to live to be 100yrs old? Do they brush their teeth enough not to need dentures if they live to be 100yrs old? Do they need a hair cut this week or next week? Is that bump on their leg, a bug bite, chicken pox or HAVE THEY BEEN BITTEN BY A BROWN RECLUSE, because I might have seen one in the attic 4 years ago when we first moved in? Was that response they just gave me acceptable or was that disrespectful? And ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON the questions go……………… THANK YOU JESUS…you hold their yesterdays, todays and tomorrows  in YOUR hands!

I, like you, would lay my life down for them. Sacrifice everything for them. I hover, fret, worry, and love them with every fiber of who I am. I am often exhausted…asking all those questions would be exhausting for anyone!  But just like your kids, my kids bring me joy unspeakable. More joy and blessing than I ever knew possible.  I have the honor of discovering their special gift and talents, their little funny personalities. I have to advocate for them, when they are misunderstood.  I have to help them navigate disappointments and hurt feelings.  I have the joy of showing them the hope of Christ and the healing power of the gospel in a sinful fallen and broken world.

So……“What is it like adopting/parenting special needs kids?”

Simply put…it is wonderfully hard…just like adopting/parenting  “normal” (I don’t actually think there is such a thing, but that is for another post on another day) kids!

Off to wipe a bottom =)…..

Blessings,

Tona

One closing thought….I do believe 100% that all adoptive and foster parents need to be prepared and ready for the journey of raising our blessings. Check out www.empoweredtoconnect.org for training, help, encouragement and hope along the way!

The retreat was amazing. 250 ladies from all over the US, who are passionate about adoption and foster care, gathered in GA for an amazing time of renewal and refreshment!!!!!  I love moments when you are worshipping with other believers and you have a very small glimpse of how amazing heaven is going to be. I had that feeling ALL weekend. It was a room filled with women who seem to share my heart for the Lord, motherhood, adoption, foster care,and believing with me that God can do amazing things in our generation to change the face of the world’s orphan crisis. It was awesome!!!

Some of my favorite highlights:

-”Date with God” time – PRECIOUS listening and creative time before the Lord (Memphis Ladies I hope to do something like this for us- you will LOVE it)

-Hearing from women, a season ahead of me, who have a mother’s heart and are orphan advocates- getting to hear their heart and passion and see the joy they felt from seeing their prayers answered through the 250 families represented there – AWESOME!!! Hearing their wisdom and feeling their grace.

-Building community with other ladies who “get you” without you really saying much at all and being inspired by their “active compassion”…knowing there are amazing husbands and daddys at home letting them get away for a time of refreshment.

-The hope that the Lord clearly revealed to me about a specific situation in my life – Thank you Lord for that clear word and promise of hope and healing!

The list could go on and on…….

One of the many points, the Lord keeps bring back to me, is a point made by  Dr. Susan Hillis. She is an amazing woman of God, who models the beauty and power of truly abiding IN HIM. She is also a mother of 11 children, a Senior Scientist for the CDC, and travels around the world studying HIV and advocating for orphans and children in crisis.

She shared with us on Sunday morning about when Jesus fed the 5,000. One of my favorite miracles. She made so many amazing points, but where are a few of my take aways:

-The disciples came with nothing….no resources. NOTHING

-There was a crowd in need, Jesus saw a need, was moved to action – that is true compassion

-The disciples managed to gather up a few little fish and loaves….I wonder what they were thinking “Really how in the world is this going to be enough”

-They brought the LITTLE they had to HIM and OPENED up their hand and GAVE it to HIM

-HE multiplied it AS THEY WENT – not before they started passing it out – they saw His provision as they ACTED in FAITH!

-When they were done feeding those Jesus called them to serve there were exactly 12 baskets left – exactly ONE per DISCIPLE – they came with nothing, served from the limited resources they had at the time, Jesus multiplied it as they sent, and then HE gave them 1 basket to take home! AMAZING!!!!!!

Her point to us, often weary, tired mommas is that many times we feel like we don’t have enough..enough money, time, resources, energy, joy, patience, etc….but we need to stop looking at what we DON’T have and see what we do have, give it to HIM and ask HIM to multiply it as we pour ourselves out to our families, and those God calls us to serve. He can multiply your 20%!!!!  What a freeing reminder! I need it DAILY. I have seen God multiply far less than 20% in my own life. I have seen Him provide beyond my wildest dreams. But, if I am to be totally honest, lots of days I am tempted to give from my own limited resources…..and I promise you they run dry quickly.  I hear HIM patiently calling me to come to him with my limited resources (praising Him for them….not complaining they are not sufficient), give them to HIM, and have the faith that He can multiply them.  Then as Dr. Susan reminded us…..we are not the one who provides, but we are the one who gets to distribute His provision!!!!!!

I am laughing that the Lord sent me home refreshed and feeling so empowered to love my family with joy and energy and then I got sicker than I have been in years. It has been the perfect opportunity to trust that He is enough. My house is a wreck, the kid’s school work is behind, the laundry is piled higher than I would want anyone to see, the kids have all been crying this morning, and I am still feeling whipped out……seems like the perfect day for the Lord to multiply  and bless some fish to me!!!!!

Hope you all give him your blessed 20% today!

O LORD, who is like You,
You, who delivers the weak
from him who is too strong for him,
the weak and needy from those who despoils him? Psalm 35.10

Tona

Just talked to the liver transplant coordinator and got great news on Dax’s test results!!!!

-The ultra sound shows increased blood flow to his liver, in spite of the fact that his hepatic artery (main blood supply to the bile duct system of the liver) is totally occluded (clogged). His body continues to grow new small veins to supply blood flow!!! MIRACLE!!!!

-The CT scan showed no signs cancer!!! His last CT showed a very very tiny questionable spot on one lung. That has been a source of concern for us the last 6 months….IT IS GONE!!! TOTALLY GONE!!!!!!!!!! His tumor markers (signs of cancer in blood work) have continued to stay low, so we had hoped this would be the case….but such a huge relief to get a validation by scan.

Continuing to Celebrate EACH day that the Lord gives us with each of our sweet children and learning the lesson of trust apart from circumstances!

Tona

A few things you should know before you rush to Amazon and purchase:

• It is a VERY VERY REAL account of what the 5 foster kids went through – sometimes making the content hard and violent
• It is not a “Christian Book” and does not end with the hope that we know we have IN CHRIST to see redemptive work
• It was written 15 years ago, so there have been some reforms in the system since this book was written
• It was written by the same author that wrote “Mole People” -the book investigating communities of homeless people who live in the tunnels under NYC
• It takes 5 children’s stories and follows them through the system – including their parents homes, relatives homes, orphanages, group homes, foster homes, and on the streets

So, why do I suggest you consider reading it??? I think about Christ and how he looked right into the face of depravity and showed compassion.  That is what we as his followers must do.  We need to turn our blind eye and be willing to see the pain, so that we can move to compassionate action, knowing that there is HOPE IN CHRIST.  This book will give you a bird’s-eye view right to the heart of the matter.

For those who choose to read it. I would love your feedback when you are done.

Wish I could sign off “Happy Reading” but it might should be “Reality Reading”

Tona

Today is “scan day” in our family. It is when we take our sweet Dax to get routine scans to make sure liver cancer has not taken residence back up in his body. I am not sure why this day is so hard, because nothing has really changed since yesterday, except I am going to “know” soon.  Knowing should bring relief, but for some reason in this area I think I like to live in the dark. HMMMM…maybe that is DENIAL =).

So having allowed myself a moment to be honest with all of those feelings I got into the shower (my only real place to be alone with four children at home), and asked God to minister to my heart and mind.

And He did, as He always does. He heard my cries and lovingly reminded me to be fully ,joyfully, peacefully present today.  My sweet friend and mentor Karen Wells sent me the following verse and comment this morning, not knowing that today was ‘scan day’ ……

But I trust in You, O LORD,I say, “You are my God.”My times are in Your hand…Psalm 31. 14-15(even the assignments and appointments that we don’t foresee)

Of course I immediately emailed her back and told her that truth both brings me great peace and fills me with fear at the same moment! Aren’t those things supposed to oppose one another!

So as I was praying the Lord reminded me that I really, really, really dislike waiting and it has been a lesson in my life for the last 10 years.

I was at an adoptive and foster care mom’s retreat with 250 moms this past weekend (Created for Care retreat).  We had lots and lots of things in common, but one thing we have all known well is “The Wait”.

As an adoptive mom of four I have spent hours waiting on the phone to ring, paper work to get done, finger prints to process and days wondering when the day would come to bring my blessing home.  As a mom of a medically fragile child and those with special needs I have spent hundreds and hundreds of days both in the hospital and waiting on test results.  So shouldn’t I have this waiting thing mastered yet!!!! Good grief I have had the practice.

The Lord reminded me today to rest in him daily, moment by moment. Not feeling the guilt of yesterday or the fear of tomorrow, but the joy of today.  Please hear me, I am not saying we should not remember the past!! There is evidence all through out scripture of the power of remembering God’s faithfulness in the past. Remembering what He has done and how He has been faithful is what often gives us the faith to trust Him today. I am also not advocating for lack of planning for the future. Once again I think the Lord shows us in His word how to be good stewards of what we have and be diligent workers.

But I think as believers we (or at least I ) let yesterday’s sins, pains and failures coupled with tomorrows fears, rob us of the joy of being in His presence today. We don’t come to Him to receive the manna, grace and leading He promises daily.  He is good no matter what you did yesterday or what He has planned for tomorrow. He is good!!!!!!

We (myself included) have got to learn to “wait” well today.  Being fully present and honest with the Lord so that we can be fully present and honest with others. As a mom, I must find my joy, energy, hope, in Him daily if I am going to have enough to give out to my husband, kids, family, friends and community.

Yet I still face the “knot” often.  The Lord showed me today that it is a gift from Him to remind me that honestly I want control.  I often joke and say “I am a recovering control addict”….but it really is true!!!!! So today my “knot” reminds me that I desperately need to trust Him not just daily but moment by moment and WAIT WELL IN HIS PRESENCE AND PEACE placing Dax back at His feet and out of my strong controlling grip!

Praise be to Him who is able!

Tona

A sweet friend asked me several days ago to blog about our family Christmas traditions.  I have been “sitting” on the request and have finally decided to let cyber space peek into some of the traditions of the Ottinger family home during the month of December.  At first I was a bit reluctant, because I was afraid of exposing myself and subjecting myself to either criticism or praise…..both can be dangerous to the ego.  It is my hope that as I share with you what we do over the holidays that you will not 1. Label me as “an over indulgent perfectionist” or “too spiritual” or “not spiritual enough” i.e…realize I am enjoying my family and celebrating Christmas the way we see fit for our kiddos. 2. Be too hard on yourself if you do not “do” as much as we do.

It is my hope that you will see the joy of being intentional with your children and seize opportunities to make life long memories.  Christmas Time sets the perfect stage for celebrating as a family as we focus on the precious birth of our Savior.  I believe that traditions no matter how big or small, how elaborate or simple instill a sense of belonging and security in the hearts of our children.  I hope that as I share some of what we do during the month that you will be inspired to slow down and make some family memories that will last a lifetime!

Here is a great quote I found on the web:

“The most vivid memories of Christmases past are usually not of gifts given or received, but of the spirit of love, the special warmth of Christmas worship, the cherished little habits of the home.” Author: Lois Rand.  I love how he called the “habits of the home”!

Ottinger Family Traditions (in no particular order or edited very well)

-Hallmark Ornaments – each year we buy each child a new Hallmark Ornament. This was actually started my Mark’s parent’s when he was little. He still has all of his, which we enjoy each year.  Sometimes we add to a series they have or buy a special one to mark something specific from that year of their life or a hobby. We let them open them one night in December and add it to a tree that we have specifically for Hallmark Ornaments. Mark’s sister also does this, so the kids love knowing their cousins get them too.

-We have little tabletop trees in their rooms that we take a special night to put up.

-We have a set of small artificial alpine trees in the corner of the kitchen that we decorate with home made ornaments, dough ornaments, popcorn strands (my dog has already eaten half them off this week=) )  and crafts the kids make over the season (this is my way of “protecting” what Mark likes to call “mommy’s tree”…which is the one I want to look perfect…ha!)

-I usually have a few Christmas Ornament craft sets (from Oriental Trading or craft stores) around the house for them to make whenever we have some free time.

-Under the “Hallmark Tree” I have: a basket of Christmas books, a Fisher Price nativity play set, a Playmobil nativity play set, a few music boxes and a train on a track around the tree. The kids are free to play with those items whenever they want.

-Nightly Readings – each night of December we read an advent story or scripture. What we use varies from year to year. This year we are reading “The Christmas Story from the family reading Bible” from Zondervan publishing as well as an Advent guide from our church.

-An Advent Calendar – we have a wooden tree that has 25 little doors to open with small ornaments inside. The kids take turns opening the doors each night of December.  We also use this time to talk about things we are thankful for

-We will surprise the kids a few nights during the month with little happies. Last night we got a special box from the grandparents (who are both great about blessing the kids during Christmas). So we waited until Daddy got home, sat in front of the tree and had our “Start off the Celebration of the Birth of Christ” night by opening our first gifts, doing our first advent door and reading the nightly Bible story.

-At least one night a season, we get the kids into their PJ’s, make hot chocolate (bought them their own Christmas travel mugs last year), get donuts and drive around looking at Christmas lights

-I have a “Christmas Scent” always bubbling on the stove. My kids LOVE it and start asking in the fall when I am going to start “cooking that good smelling stuff”. It is very easy. Mix orange slices, lemon peels, apple slices, nutmeg, cinnamon, cloves, and water into a small pan and simmer on your stove. Add more water and ingredients as needed. I usually make a new batch every few days. I also have lots of yummy candles burning and Christmas music (all kinds playing from the Pandora website…sometimes classical hymns and other times silly Alivin & the Chipmunks)

-We get a new family game and give it as a family gift one night during the month and then will have at least 5-10 “game times” during December

-We also take advantage of ABC Family Channel Countdown till Christmas. We can usually get a few “Family Movie Nights” out of what they have on TV.

-We make a gingerbread house the week of Christmas. I buy the pre-boxed one from Wilton and add extra candies and decorations. The kids really get into it and we usually have matchbox car roads, marsh mellow snowmen etc.  We use this time to remind the kids that we are really Celebrating Jesus Birthday and will often sing Him happy birthday during this time. Several years ago my sister in law gave the kids Christmas Aprons so this is a special time they love to wear them!

-We have a few Christmas Pancake molds so we make pancakes a few times over the month

-The kids have special Christmas plates (thanks to the grandparents), which they use most of the month.

-We have our kids draw names to buy gifts for each other. Limit the amount they can spend and let them try to buy something the other person would really love. Helps them think of one another. We usually let them open this gift on Christmas Eve night or one night the week before. So their gifts to one another don’t get lost in the craziness of Christmas morning

-Buy or make gifts for our neighbors and deliver them as a family. Helps them see the joy in giving.

-Support an over seas cause each year. We talk and pray about it as a family. We have done several things- one year we supported a Haitian Orphanages Christmas dinner (they even sent the kids back a picture of them eating!!!!), one year we bought chickens for a village in Asia, and one year we wrote Christmas cards to an orphanage in South Korea.

-We do a local service project or give to a local cause….also something we talk about and decide as a family.

-On Christmas Eve we go to a Christmas Eve service as a family. Come home and let the kids open one gift…..it is always new PJ’s and slippers. We get into our new Pj’s and eat dessert and take turns reading the last part of our Christmas story. We sing Christmas songs and let the kids play whatever musical pieces they have learned or would like to share. We leave a note and cookies for Santa and food outside for the reindeer….even though the oldest three totally know daddy is the one eating the cookies and the dog is the one eating the reindeer food….they still love it =)

-Christmas day – We wake up (way too early) and the kids get “Santa Presents” which is one thing each unwrapped under the tree. Then we take a moment get coffee, etc.  Then let the kids open one or two more gifts. Then we take a moment and have breakfast. Then we will go back and open whatever gifts are left and then wait a bit and let them play and enjoy what they have.  Then we will do stockings (which they have already seen…but not gotten to touch yet) a bit later.  We might hold back gifts from grandparents etc until even later in the morning or afternoon.  We really like the tone it sets to open things slowly. As soon as we started that it changed the entire feeling of our day. We went from “what is next” to “wow look what I got…thank you so much…let me enjoy it for a bit”.  We still have to remind our youngest ones to slow down and enjoy but it is well worth it!  We really get the joy of giving to them for hours instead of minutes =)!

I hope you are inspired to grab sometime with your precious blessings while they are still home and make some Christmas Memories!!!!!